Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Excerpt from my WIP

Since I spent most the morning critiquing another writer's work and didn't get any of my own writing done, I thought I would put this up. This is an excerpt from my latest work in progress that I have not titled yet. Thoughts and brutally honest responses are welcome.


Enzo absently grasped for her smooth waist as his eyes began to flicker open, but she wasn't there.

He reached lazily across the night stand and grabbed a pack of cigarettes, removed one and lit it. He lay in bed for a few minutes trying to decide what to do with his day. He was not looking forward to his morning ritual of foraging through the kitchen cabinets for eatable food. There had been no grocery shopping expedition in the house for over a month. He knew that such a search would be punctuated with a frustrated "fuck it!" and he would resign himself to a morning stroll to the convenient store where he would pick up a breakfast burrito, as he usually did.

After a few more moments procrastination, he ultimately decided to get up and pull on some pants and get dressed. His footsteps were heavy, lazy and filled with the confidence of an exhausting night of sex. The cartoonish, musical score of some video game drifted up to meet his ears as he descended the stairs. He could also hear hushed voices. Enzo decided to to quiet his footsteps and peek over the railing back towards the direction of the murmurings. He could see Luke Brown standing at the front door in an expensive beige, two piece Armani suit. He had smile plastered on his face as he always did. It was the sort of smile that you know never left his face for ten hours a day unless it was to purse his lips and suck in a deep breath as a line of cocain disappeared underneath his nostrils in the bathroom of what ever fancy restaurant he was dining at with 'clients'.

Who he was speaking to was obscured by the stair case Enzo was standing on. He watched Luke take out a business card, write something down on the back and present it. A pale hand attached to a pale wrist retrieved it. Rosalie.

Brown's head snapped to meet Enzo's prying eyes. "There he is!" Brown said, with a little to much salesmen sleaze and extending a hand as if he was presenting a contestant on a game show. Enzo completed his journey down the stairs and joined Brown and Rosalie near the front door.

"Hey, Enzo." Rosalie greeted him in a higher pitched voice than normal. Her arms were crossed against the same terrycloth robe that she had been wearing last night.

"Hey, buddy. You have the contract?" Luke pinched his fingers as if holding a pen and motioned through the air as if he were signing something.

Enzo glared briefly in silent disgust. He had never had the stomach for guys like Brown and wished Sony had sent someone else as his handler. "Yeah. Let me grab it real quick." He retrieved the contract from the den where Luka was now passed out and the Wiggler had full control of the gaming console. His tongue was living up to his name sake.

He walked back to the front door and handed it to Brown. "There is something in here about how the location is undisclosed..." Enzo asked, lightly scratching behind his ear. "How do I know where to show up?"

Brown didn't miss a beat. "We'll send a car for you. Wednesday at 8 AM, sharp."

"How long will I be gone?"

Brown sighed a little at first, biding a moment to recall information, "Well, the surgery will only take a few hours and the recovery will be about a day, but there will be several tests our R&D people will be putting— Listen, don't worry about it. You'll be back in a few days. I don't wanna speak for the doctors."

He checked over the contract and pointed out a place Enzo had forgotten to initial. Enzo signed it.

"Remember, 8 AM sharp, Wednesday." He snatched the contract out of Enzo's hands, the smile was back on his face as he started reaching for the door knob. "I'll see you then." The screen door squeaked closed as he left and Ezno and Rosalie watched him speed walk to the black Benz sitting in the driveway.

"Fuckin' hate that guy." Enzo muttered as the Bez started up and pulled out, the morning sun glinting off the polish, almost blinding them both.

Rosalie put her arms around him with a big smile on her face. "Congrats. You're about to be the world's first, real cyborg." They both gave a little, uncomfortable laugh. Enzo thought the term 'cyborg' sounded antiquated, even crass.

"I wouldn't say cyborg. It's just a phone in my head. Nothing special." Enzo downplayed the whole thing and absorbed the feeling of her hands around his neck. Having a woman was nice, he thought, even if his and Rosalie's relationship was unofficial. Even if he was suspicious of why her affection seemed to be centered around this Sony project.

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